


Love is War, War is Deception

by Splotcher



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: M/M, ancient beings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 15:37:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1190493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Splotcher/pseuds/Splotcher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Second arc-Dethklok is in Australia, a new tour is starting...and Charles finds himself a target of the tribunal's sinister forces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love is War, War is Deception

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Metalocalypse. I do like comments. Please leave them, constructive or otherwise.
> 
> \--Splotch

John Lyly was a poet in the fifteen hundreds. He once said that “The rules of fair play do not apply in love and war.” Charles Foster Offdenson endorses that message. Wholeheartedly.

 

He should know. He’s got both inside of him.

 

And who knew what else.

 

Standing on the deck of an airship, he oversees the building of a new stage in Australia, where the boys will sing songs from their new album. It’s already reached triple platinum in its first week, and he feels secure in knowing that they’ve just surpassed another country- the Dethklok economy was going strong, and Denmark, which had been slowly climbing in the rankings, would prove little competition. By the time they put out another album, they’d be the fifth largest economy in the world.

 

Pickles hadn’t wanted to come to Australia. His older brother Seth was here and Charles could understand his reluctance. But Australia had been feeling neglected, and in order to keep good relations, he arranged the second leg of the tour to pass right through the country.

 

The only good thing about it, he supposed, was the snit Seth had thrown when they refused to play in Sydney, citing it ‘not metal enough’. They settle on the city of Noosa Heads, Queensland. For obvious reasons. 

 

He sighs, rubbing at his temple. The scar itches a little. The stage is doing well; no doubt it will bring massive amounts of revenue to the area. And Toki gets to see Koalas. Skwissgar gets an untapped market of GMILFs. Murderface gets to add to his collection of penal colony documentaries. 

 

And Nathan…

 

Nathan isn’t speaking to him. Or rather, he is speaking, but doing so in such a manner that his own snit is extremely apparent. On top of that, it’s irritating the other band members. He can only hope that Australia can put Dethklok in a better mood.

 

Nathan’s refusal to speak to him started when he refused to stay backstage during shows. Or even on the ground. The lead singer had wanted him to be close, but there was no way he could risk it. 

 

War resonated with Dethklok’s new albums. During a benefit concert, a single song had caused him to metamorphose into something made for the battlefield.

 

During a concert. Which he fully believed caused a riot in the fans leading to mass destruction and death. Luckily, that sort of thing happened in concerts all the time, so the news reports found nothing new and terrifying in the occurrence. But it could have been worse. It wasn’t a full transformation.

 

How would a full concert affect him?

 

So he put his foot down. He would stay in the air, just out of Dethklok’s influence. The ground would be covered with his best Klokateers. Normally, he wouldn’t have been comfortable doing that-he’d be beside himself in worry. 

 

But the song he’d been exposed to had an unforeseen effect. It was like a jolt of energy-suddenly he was able to sustain enchantments much easier. He had made sure to lay a few nasty traps in wait for anyone that would trespass in his domain.

 

But he couldn’t be backstage. It was too dangerous. What if he forgot himself, and hurt one of his boys? So he stayed above…a terrible eye in the sky.

 

^**^*^^*^*^

 

He’s careful to keep himself entirely under control for the ‘Dethklok Australian Tour Premiere’ Party. They have far too many mirrors in this room and he’s been doing so well lately.

 

He sips on Brandy and makes small talk-it’s not the way he would have chosen to spend his evening, but it’s all very necessary and he doesn’t want to alienate Australia any further.

 

Nathan is still sulking. He has the feeling Nathan knows it’s the songs, even if he doesn’t know why. It hasn’t stopped him from singing all tour or the fans from eating it up. He’ll just have to get over it…the tour is only a month longer, they should be finished in no time.

As he listens to some nameless dignitary bore him, he becomes acutely aware of a feeling…that he hadn’t felt before. The hair on his neck is standing up-something is here that shouldn’t be. He looks about, zeroing in on a figure speaking with Pickles. He’s backed up against the wall as the blonde beauty speaks to him.

 

He finds he doesn’t like that. He excuses himself from his conversation, plasters on a benign smile, and walk over to the two of them.

 

“Pickles! Do introduce me to your…ah…friend.”

 

“Yeah, I don’t know who this is. One of Seth’s friends.” Pickles blurts out.

 

He raises an eyebrow at the outburst, but turns to look at his conversation partner.

 

“Hello, I’m Dethklok’s manager, Charles Offdenson. And you are?”

 

“Dietrich. Dietrich Muzi.”The man holds out a large hand to him.

 

His instincts tell him not to take it. He gestures to the brandy in his hand, signaling his inability to shake. “So how do you know Seth, Dietrich?”

 

“Mr. Muzi, please. He and I are business partners. Have you been working with Dethklok long, Charles?”

 

“All my life, seems like.” He notes the slight, but doesn’t call the man on it. He already knows he’s the most powerful man in the room.

 

“That’s a shame. Handsome fellow like you should be out more.”

 

He takes a second to register what the man has said. “Yes…well, I get far more work done with them then I would be out and about.”

 

This conversation has taken a turn for the bizarre. A quick glance in a nearby mirror shows nothing out of the ordinary, so it isn’t him. This man must be searching for an angle. 

 

‘Mr.’ Dietrich Muzi steps closer to him- this time he’s not invading Pickle’s personal space, he’s invading Charles’s. He finds it distasteful, but stands his ground.

 

“If you aren’t doing anything later, Charles, perhaps you and I can have a drink.” Dietrich Muzi reaches out to…what? Touch his arm, his shoulder? He does not want that.

 

His shining knight turns out to be a drunken Irish American. 

 

“HEY! LOOK, SOME GUY’S TRYING TER PICK UP AFDENSON!”

 

The man jerks back in surprise. In that moment, as if summoned by dark powers, band members seemed to appear from everywhere. He’s a little surprised by it. He expected the shout to give him some breathing room, not to summon the entire band to his side. Well, all to his side except for Nathan.

 

Nathan is a very real heat directly behind him. He can practically feel the singer glaring over his head at this blonde interloper.

 

Dietrich seems at a loss. It’s Skwissgar that speaks first. “Charlies. I am thinkings yous does betters. This mans am nots metals.”

 

“Yeah! This mans am snots metals. Hims too blondes.”

 

“Tokis…I ams blondes.”

 

“Yes, but you is metals.”

 

“But I haves blondes hairs betters than this dildoes!”

 

“Boys! Let not make this Hong Kong all over again.” He cuts in sharply as the guitar players glare at each other. “I ah, am sorry Mr. Muzi. The boys obviously need me…for something important. Have a nice day.”

 

“But surely-“

 

“HE SAID HAVE A NICE DAY!” Nathan growled loudly behind him. Dietrich Muzi stares at Nathan, then back down to Charles. He gives the man a pleasant little smile. Dietrich decides to bow out.

 

“Until we meet again, Charles.”

 

“Oh, I’m, ah, looking forward to it.” 

 

Dietrich fades back into the crowd. Murderface loses interest, comments on the gayness of the situation before running off to get shot down by another woman. The guitarists eye each other like wary dogs before mixing back into the crowd as well. 

 

Nathan and Pickles stay.

 

“So…do you want to tell me why Mr. Muzi was so interested in you?”

 

“I dunno. He jest asked me regular dildo stuff about the bahnd. And he kept ahn invading my space, I mean, like dood, I wasn’t interested, alright? Freakin’ aussies. Ah’m gonna get me a beer, you want one?” 

 

“No…Still got the brandy, thanks.”

 

“Oh hey, more for me…Fuckin’ parties.” Pickles stumbles off into the crowd. A quick signal has Klokateers on every band member as a precaution.

 

He turns and finds himself bumping into Nathan’s chest. 

 

“Something I can help you with Nathan?”

 

The bigger man just glowers. Apparently they are still not talking.

 

“Very well. I’m going over to talk with-“

 

“Stay here.”

 

“…Excuse me?”

 

“Stay here where I can keep an eye on you. And stuff. “ Then he starts mumbling something about blonde pretty boys and Charles gets the distinct impression that he’s not upset at Skwissgar. 

 

He sighs. He’ll never get any work done at this rate.

 

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^


End file.
